Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Seeing the World Through Different Eyes

As the plane touched down in the good ole' U.S.A. I quietly sent a message to about 20 of my South African friends to inform them that I had safely arrived back home. As I gathered my stuff together and fought the lines to pick up luggage, I wasn't quite sure what to think. It hadn't really set in yet that I was getting ready to see my parents again for the first time in 8 weeks. As I struggled to take three of my luggage bags by myself, wiping sweat from my forehead, I noticed  the messages from mom were pouring in. "Where are you?", "Are you getting ready to come through the doors yet?" and
"Have you gotten your luggage yet?". As I walked through the doors of the airport lobby I finally saw their  smiling faces anxiously waiting for me. As my mom wept tears of joy and hugged me as if she hadn't seen me in three years, I was overwhelmed but still not sure what to think about being home. I felt like a newborn giraffe who had not yet figured the world out.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing like being at home, but  for the past two months this wasn't home, Africa was home. I was still transitioning back into a different country. Back into a different time zone, a different season.

On the way home, I tried to sleep although the messages, posts and the calls all came flooding in. I was thrilled to see my nephew although at first he wasn't too sure about who I was or where I had been for so long. I was thrilled to see my friends, my sister, tmy church,  and thrilled to be back in my bed and back to warmer weather. I was thrilled to get to sleep in my own bed for the first time in two months but still, I just felt....off.

I was bombarded by questions. Everyone wanted to know the same questions and by the first week that I was home I could rehearse the usual answers to all the questions everyone was asking. It was like I was a celebrity in my own small town. People that I had never even met or even heard of for that matter were coming up to me in the grocery store saying "Welcome home" and "We're so proud of you". But I hadn't done anything spectacular. It was all God. I was just blessed to be of use to Him. I was thankful he allowed ME the opportunity to grow- to transform into a stronger believer.

Even still, throughout the first few weeks I was home I felt as if I were incomplete. It was like my physical body was back at home in VA but my head and my heart were back in South Africa. That sounds weird, I know. I love my family and I love my friends but I love South Africa and the friends and family that I made there too.  Memories of my trip left my heart sore and confused. I was happy to be home but I missed Africa in a way that was unexplainable. Unfathomable. .

I still talk to the Reyburns' and many of my friends from SA on a regular basis. They are still an important part of my life and still support me as I support them. It's still difficult to be away from them and not be able to see the sweet and smiling faces that I became attached to while I was there. It's heartbreaking to hear recordings of Scott and Cameron chuckling through greetings and "I miss you Auntie Taylor". However, I know it is all in God's timing and I am anxiously awaiting for him to send me back to Pretoria so that He can use me to further his kingdom. In the meantime, I'll hang out with my crazy youth at CBC and follow God wherever he leads me here in VA.

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A lot of things have changed since I've come home from Africa.
My future career choice has changed, the seasons have changed, the time has changed, people have changed, and circumstances have changed. Multiple friendships have changed, work schedules have changed and my priorities have most definitely changed.

But one thing that has yet to change is my burning passion for God and His purpose for me in this crazy world. In the midst of one disappointment to the next, the one thing that never fails is His unfailing love for me. His perfect peace that He gives me when the world feels like it's crashing down around me. The clear message that He gives me when He reminds me of those that have much more to complain about than the petty things that often frustrate me.

I often loose sight and fall back into the ordinary routine of life. I forget the monumental lessons that I learned while I lived without water, heat, a bed and indoor plumbing. I forget all that I have to be thankful for in the midst of griping and complaining about the homework that I have to do or the shifts that I'm working. I have to remind myself of the kids that were learning songs about how to protect themselves from rapists, teenagers never having the opportunity to go to college and parents working all day only to still struggle to keep their kids fed. I remember all of the things that once shocked me, broke me...changed me and I remember that I am not the person that I once was. But that's how Satan works. He distracts you. He tries to disable you- disarm you. I refuse to let Satan distract me.

So my point in all of this is that through all of the changes in life, I know that wherever I end up, and whoever I end up with, God will always be a constant and an important part of my life. He will be there to pick me up when I fall, to pick up the pieces when I feel broken, and to celebrate with me when I finally get things right.

 I will not let the enemy win....ever.
"Greater is he that is inside of me than he who is living in the world."

xoxo
Taylor

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Day #52-53


Yesterday was my last day working with Robyn at the church. As always, it was such a pleasure to hang out with her as we got a few things accomplished. I constantly remind Robyn that she was my very first friend here in South Africa. I told her yesterday that we (mostly I) have come a long way in the past 8 weeks!

After working with Robyn, Dalene and the boys picked me up to go get milkshakes. I can already tell that they are going to be the hardest goodbye of all. The love I have for the Reyburn family is unfathomable. I don't even want to think about how challenging it will be to part ways with them at the airport.

After milkshakes, I met up with a different Robyn for round two of shopping! Not too long after, about 15 of my friends from Eastside met up for a farewell dinner. As I sat and enjoyed the company, my heart was overwhelmed by several different emotions. Although I’m normally not one to cry in front of other people, saying goodbye to all my Eastside friends left me no choice.

As we finished up dinner a huge lump in my throat began to develop and I knew that the next few minutes were going to be difficult.

Mark and Tam were the first people to leave and they literally broke the barrier between tear and eye socket. I just lost it. As we said our goodbyes, I was heartbroken to know that it would be quite some time before I would see them again. They are truly remarkable people and they have impacted me in so many ways since I’ve been here.
One by one, they all said their goodbyes as I somewhat quietly sobbed on their shoulders. It was a tough night to say the least.
 
 
This morning at around 5:45AM, I woke up to get ready for a prayer walk. Six of us went to Faerie Glen to walk up one of the hills just after sunrise. As we reached the top and overlooked all of Pretoria, I reminisced on all of my time here in SA. Like an old film, my mind slowly played clips of my favorite memories. Again, the lump in my throat slowly began to develop.
As we all went around praying for various things, I was completely and utterly humbled. I was humbled to have had the opportunity to come across the world to do Gods work as a missionary intern. Humbled to have friends that support me and encourage me both emotionally and spiritually. Humbled to have the chance to grow in my faith and become a better disciple and leader. Humbled to have met such amazing people that made me feel at home even when I was halfway across the world. Most importantly, humbled to have had the opportunity to give light and hope to those who were lost and broken.
I will not dwell on the fact that my time here is over but rather rejoice and be thankful that it occurred. This trip has taught me so many new things and changed me in numerous different aspects. I have grown stronger in areas where I was once weak. I have mended bridges that were once broken. I have looked past my “imperfections” and realized that God made no mistakes when he created me. I have grown tremendously in my walk with the Lord- I have truly been transformed.
So as I finish packing up what is left of my stuff and preparing to say goodbye to the Reyburn's, I will remember and know that it is not goodbye, but rather see you later.
xoxo
America
Please pray for safe travels as I head home this evening. Pray for a sense of peace & ease, as well as, rest on my long journey back to the states. Also, please pray for my health and that I will stay as far away from the Ebola virus as possible while traveling. I'll see ya'll Americans tomorrow!





Dalene & I


Robyn

View from this morning

My incredible friends




Thursday, August 7, 2014

Day #49-51

The past few days have literally been a blur. In the midst of preparing to come home this weekend, I knew my final week would go by quite quickly. However, I never imagined it would go by THIS quickly! I'm trying to enjoy every single minute I have left as they are dwindling away.
 
Today was a spectacular day. Debbie and Lonnie took me to a few different places in my last efforts of being a tourist. We first went to a lion park in Johannesburg. This was by far the coolest thing I have ever done. We literally got to walk into an enclosure of small lion cubs and casually take pictures and pet them. I made friends with the giraffe and was able to get ridiculously close to her as I fed her. After that, we rode through the different lion/lionesses paths within the park. Mr. Lonnie gave me numerous anxiety attacks as he fearlessly (and carelessly) left his window down (although the sign clearly said not to) while driving within a few feet of these humungous, WILD, beasts. However, it was such an incredible experience to see these beautiful animals. Thank goodness we made it out alive!
 
After the lion park, we traveled to one of the local markets. This particular market is a lot like the markets you would find in the Bahamas. All of the vendors want you to buy their merchandise and promise to give you a "special price". They are all quite competitive salesmen and women. They also look at foreigners, especially Americans, to be easy targets in making good money. WRONG. They clearly were not aware that I am the daughter of Michael and Renee Felts. I was raised on coupons, sales racks and always making a deal. Those poor guys didn't have a chance in pulling the wool over my eyes. Needless to say, I got all of my souvenir shopping done within a reasonable budget. (:
 
Later this afternoon, I had coffee with Kurt, and then went shopping and had dinner with my friend Robyn.
Tomorrow is looking like it will be just as busy as today. I can not believe that it will be my last full day here in South Africa.
 
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Spending time with Scott and Cameron is always extremely special to me. Not only have these boys taken on the role of my little brothers, they have also claimed a large part of my heart during the past two months. I would not trade for anything in this world the countless interrupted FaceTime conversations, toys left in my room, violent hair brushing from Scott, homemade arts and crafts made for me OR the big bear hugs.
 
In the midst of our busy schedules, I have not gotten to hang out with them very much in the past 2 weeks. However, I got to spend just a few minutes with them today in between going here and doing that. During that time they reminded me of something very simple.
 
As we sat around the table, we started to tell knock-knock jokes. Each one making less sense than the next one, we all laughed hysterically. In that moment of just true happiness and joy, I realized that it is the simple moments like this that count more than any other. I've realized that life is what happens when work, school, and other things consume your time and attention. Sometimes, you just have to enjoy the silliness of pointless knock-knock jokes and the company of those that you love and care about. You just have to enjoy laughter.
 
Life is a beautiful thing. It is often taken for granted, and under-appreciated. It is often blasphemed for not being the equivalent of our standards of perfection. It is often misused and under-valued.
 
Today, I am making a promise to myself that I will never let life pass me by. I refuse to lose sight of the importance of companionship and just simple conversations. I will always try my very best to cherish each day that God gives me because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
 
Life's knocking at your door (see what I did there?), it's up to you to make the best of it.
 
xoxo
Taylor
 

 






Monday, August 4, 2014

Day #47-48

I attended my last church service at Eastside last night. As Mark called me up so that they could pray over me, I was overwhelmed with a number of mixed emotions. As I shared a little bit with the congregation, I expressed to them my sincere gratitude for all that they had done for me in the past two months. What incredible church Eastside is. I am so thankful to have become a part of their church family during my time here.

I am staying with Debbie and Lonnie while the Reyburn's are out of town for the celebration of their anniversary. Since we did not go out to any of the under resourced centers today, Debbie and I independently worked on our own projects. For me, I had quite a large task to accomplish...a sermon. The following weekend of my arrival back home I am preaching a sermon at my church (CBC) based on all of my experiences and growth in my faith.

Knowing that I will be quite busy catching up next week, I decided there was no better time than today to start preparing. Miraculously, I am 85% finished with all of my preparations. Praise Jesus!

Debbie is making chicken fried rice for dinner tonight. I am so excited!

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You may know the story of the lost, or 'prodigal' son that Jesus told. It's in Luke 15:11-32

It’s a story about a son who forgets about his father, take his inheritance, and walks away from the family home to live for himself (verses 11-16). Eventually, he comes to his senses (verse 17) and decides to go back to his father (verses 18-20). He’s expecting to be punished for his behavior, and is willing just to be a servant in his father’s house, but he’s surprised by his father’s reception. In the story, the father doesn't interrogate his son, he doesn't tell him off, he doesn't do anything except show love. All he cares about is that his son has returned.

In reading the story, I'm reminded of God's great love for us. As Christians, we often stray from God. Or at least I know I do.

However, even in those times of God's disappointment in our disobedience and unfaithfulness, all he is really concerned about is our return back to him. He doesn't dwell on where we have been or who may have taken part in our loss of focus. Instead, he is excited; thrilled actually. Like an owner of a lost puppy that has been returned home. Like I was when my precious iPhone was returned to me when I left it in a random McDonald's bathroom before my flight to SA. Like a family who finally is reunited with their soldier.

Similarly, I think of God's reaction to us as we find our way back to him. Or as his good and faithful servants are welcomed into the gates of Heaven.

What an incredible God we serve. He is a God of forgiveness and mercy. He welcomes us back with the same joy each time we stray from him. He anxiously awaits us and wants us to one day stand before him in Heaven. He desperately wants the opportunity to express to us how proud he is of our work as his disciples.

God's return policy is quite simple. It doesn't matter how many holes or stains you may have. It doesn't matter how many times you may have changed your mind. It doesn't matter the paths you've taken or the choices you've made while absent from his presence.


All we have to do is return.

xoxo
Taylor



 
 

 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Day #45-46

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday! It's extremely difficult to have the brain power to blog when getting home late after being constantly busy all day.

Yesterday I worked at the church with Robyn. We were quite productive for once. I even hung some pictures on her wall in her office that she printed out about 5 months ago. Mid-morning we went to one of the nearby schools to do a short lesson with the first graders during their break. Although at first shy when meeting me, they quickly warmed up to me after they found out that I was American. It's shocking what your nationality will do for you in a foreign country.

After working, I went to a friend's for my first sushi experience. There was a group of nine of us that hung out and ate together. As they all awkwardly stared at me as I took each bite, I was so proud of myself for trying new things. Although I wouldn't order it on my own ever again, it was a good experience and I enjoyed it. After sushi we went to KFC (yes, they have KFC) to get ice cream. I'd say it was a rather successful day.

Today, I literally did absolutely nothing until about 2pm and it was great. Around three, I started to prepare for South Africa's first ever BBQ (they call it a braai). I made two bacon/cheese potato casseroles, salad, and an apple cobbler with vanilla ice cream. Adolf grilled all of the meat that everyone brought (thank goodness). I was a little nervous at first when preparing because I wanted everything to be perfect! Most importantly, I wanted them to like the food. Thankfully, I got all compliments and everyone was very pleased.

After dinner, we all played Pictionary for about an hour. The laughs were endless as we guessed what each horribly drawn picture was. At about 11:00pm I was ready to start shoving people out the door. Just kidding! I had such a fun time and was so glad that everyone enjoyed the BBQ.

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I heard a quote yesterday that stuck with me. It read
"Until God opens the next door, praise him from the hallway."

What an incredible reminder.

Over the past few days I have grown tremendously in my faith and trust in the Lord. I have drawn closer to God and relied more on his word for understanding. In doing so, I have realized that there are far more things to be thankful for than things to be grumpy about. I have realized that I am so blessed to have such great friends both in America and South Africa. I am blessed to have family that love me and never cease to show me even halfway across the world. I am thankful for clothes, a bed, food, and a million other things on my never ending list.

And so I will do just that. I will praise him from the hallway. Because surely he deserves it.

xoxo
Taylor





Thursday, July 31, 2014

Day #44

Today we traveled to one of the under-resourced centers to do my fire safety lesson. I pretty much have the story memorized and the games perfected at this point. Samantha got to give out more teddy bears today which is always exciting to witness.

After the lesson, we stopped on the way home to eat lunch together at Steers. On the way there, I had a major break through in the realization of why this fast food place was named Steers (because of the cow, burgers, etc). You learn something new each day! Anywho, this one particular Steers is slightly different than all the others that I have seen in South Africa. Although they all have the same food, this Steers is located over one of the highways in a bridge-like fashion. This simply means that as you enjoy your lunch, you get to watch all of the cars pass by while hoping that the foundation and structure of the building is safe and sturdy.

After lunch, we traveled to Macro, which is similar to our Sam's Club in the U.S. Debbie and Lonnie go to Macro each month to stock up on rice, beans, samp, etc., for the four under resourced centers that they are involved with. Through these school centers, small children and the kids that arrive after school are able to be fed two meals each day. They feed about 270 kids in total. It was an incredible experience to be a part of as without Debbie & Lonnie and their Abba's Pride organization, many of these kids would not be eating one prepared meal a day, much less two.

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For the past few weeks, I've been blogging about being faithful and obedient to God through the good and bad times in life. I've been sharing with you my thoughts and feelings about trusting in God when things don't go your way and having peace in knowing that God's plan is much better than our own.

Well, God decided today that he would test my philosophy on the matter. I can talk the talk but he wants to see if I can walk the walk. Challenge accepted.

Since high school, I have thoroughly prepared myself as an applicant for the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program at TCC. I have taken all the required classes, maintained exceptional grades, excelled in a medical background, interviewed and even wrote an impressive eight page research paper. However, I found out today that I did not get accepted into the program.

Although I was put on the "alternative list", so did eight other applicants who were also included in the email notification. Upon applying to the program, I knew that it was competitive. When I say competitive, I mean that out of the 250 people that apply, they only accept 15 individuals. However, I was well prepared and I had been banking on being accepted for the past few months. In saying that, I was devastated after reading the email. I felt as if all of my hard work and all that I had done in preparing was pointless and a waste of time. As I cried to Dalene and then again with my mom via FaceTime, I had a moment of grief and disappointment.

BUT, in the midst of my frustration with myself that I should've done this better, or studied harder for that, a revelation occurred within me.

I wholeheartedly believe that in life, disappointment will occur. Bad things are bound to happen. It's inevitable. But, in those times of despair and displeasure, it's the way that you handle the situation that matters the most. It's not about how many times you fall or stumble but rather how graceful you get back up.

I realized that this is a perfect example of how God tests us in our faith. As I have been busy blogging about finding hope when one door closes that another will open, I was still semi-confident that this particular door would remain open for me. Now that it is slowly closing, I have no choice but to live by the words that I inspirationally wrote for my blog readers. Now, I am truly, without a doubt, content in knowing that it just wasn't right for me and God has something better in mind. In the meantime, I look forward to growing in my faith. I look forward to the upcoming trials and tests that God has in store for me. I will handle them with grace and an unfailing trust that God's plan for me will be far better than my own.

For God knows the plans he has for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future.

xoxo
Taylor

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Day #43

Today was quite a busy day. We started off this morning at Wallmansthall. The kids were so excited about decorating the room and having bright and colorful pictures hung on their walls. After decorating, I brought out the toys that were bought for them. This was a terrible idea on my part because I then had to wait about 30 minutes before trying to start the lesson. They were thrilled! It was so heartwarming to see their faces light up with joy. Wallmansthall has a special place in my heart after living there for a week and working with these children who remember me each time I visit.

After they calmed down, I started my lesson on fire safety. I was at first apprehensive on how it would go as this is a newly developed center and is more like a day care than school. However, they did such a great job and I was so proud of the teachers for their involvement as well. I also had one other helper today, Samantha.

Samantha is seven years old and also from Virginia. Samantha and her dad traveled here on Monday for a very special cause. Last year, Samantha decided that she wanted to make teddy bears to give to the kids in South Africa. This week, she is here with her 100 hand made teddy bears to distribute to the different under-resourced centers. What a beautiful moment it is to watch this brave and determined seven year old pass out her teddy bears to all of the kids!

After Wallmansthall, Debbie and Lonnie took us to our second location for the day. However, I had never been to this place before. On the way there, she explained that this particular place was a children's home rather than a school center. Here, kids that were once abandoned are taken care of until new families are found for them. When we got there, my heart immediately melted right there in my chest cavity. I first met a five year old girl who was a stroke victim at a very young age. She was SO beautiful and I was content just holding her hand and rolling the ball around.

Then, I met a sweet baby boy. He is four months old and first arrived at this children's home at just 10 days old after being abandoned. I immediately fell in love with this adorable baby boy. Because I have not held a baby since I last saw my nephew, I was dying to spend some quality time with him. As I fed him, he was so busy and curious of all that was around him and couldn't focus on drinking his bottle. In my efforts to get him settled, I started to gently sway him while singing to him Drake's favorite song, This Old Man. He drank his entire bottle. I can't fathom how anyone would be willing to give up that precious child.

My passion and love for kids seems to grow more and more with each passing day.

xoxo
Taylor


BEFORE

BEFORE

AFTER

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