Day #8

Put on your boots because today's blog is going to get deep. Today, I would like to share something a little more personal with you rather than just telling you about what I did in preparation for Holiday Club.

Over the past few days (although it feels like a year),  God has been working in unexplainable ways in my life. Not only has my faith been tested but I've been bombarded by all things new. I've been battling with the idea of sharing my personal thoughts and issues but I feel that it's necessary to share the transformation that I am undergoing.

I grew up in a southern baptist church. For my entire life, all I've ever been exposed to is the same church, the same type of music, the same denominational experience. However, at Eastside things are similar and yet extremely different. Although they use the same songs, with a similar sounding band....their way of worshipping is overwhelmingly new.

Hang in there, it'll all make sense in a little bit.. hopefully.

Growing up in a small, conservative church I've witnessed very few people dance or step out of the comfort zone of a worshipping Christian. What does that mean you may ask? It simply means that I've never in my entire life even raised my hand in the middle of worshipping or done anything other than sing in a mediocre manner in the church pew. Never, until this past Sunday night at Eastside when I shamelessly raised my hand during a song. Have I had intimate moments with the Lord during worship? Of course. But I've always been  more worried about who's looking at me or what they will think if I were to step out of the line for others to see.

So, being at Eastside.. I've been challenged in a great way for obvious reasons.

Now although I am well aware that there is absolutely nothing wrong with not raising your hand, or dancing a holy dance while worshipping.. I began to wonder what my real reason of  why I had not done these things.

Fear.

As I pondered my life as a Christian I became flooded with doubt and guilt. Here I am, in a different country spreading God's word but I am too afraid of what other's think to ever even raise my hand while singing. Here I am, a leader in my church, preaching to kids about how to be bold and courageous and I fail myself.

In my self pity and doubt I became discouraged and angry with myself. "What is wrong with me?", I asked myself. I began to feel unworthy of God and his many blessings.

But then, God reminded me in a very clear way that no, I'm not perfect.. but he loves me just as I am...even though I do and will continue to fail him. I felt this sense of calmness rush over me as if he was saying "My child... you worry too much".

You see, although I make mistakes and although I often take easy routes that are less pleasing to God.. he sees the good in my heart- he knows my intentions. His grace is so overwhelming as he made the ultimate sacrifice of his son just so we as believers can disappoint him time after time.

So I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone. If God tugs on your heart to raise your hand or to dance a little jig.. just go with it. Be oblivious to the looks or thoughts of others and focus on your relationship with God as I am trying to do just that myself.

God is within me, so therefore I will not fall.

xoxo
Taylor